My subconscious wants a drag while I punch you in the face.

Lately I have been dreaming of smoking. Like every freaking night in the past week. I don’t want to smoke but apparently my subconscious does. It’s been 3 months since I quit and roughly a week since I started being proactive about my health by starting to go swimming regularly. It’s not really the health that did me in so don’t congratulate me yet. It’s the shrinking wardrobe..

I think quitting was well worth it. I just wish some people, namely all you non-smokers, would know that it’s a real exercise of willpower, that it’s hard and that you should praise me endlessly. Yes, I would like that better indeed then the usual “We’ll see how long that lasts.” What a fucked up thing to say. How about a “Congratulations. Good job. Keep at it. You look great. “. Truly that has to be the most miserable thing someone can say especially to someone who never tried to quit before.

Treat me like the addict that I am struggling to get away from. Thank you very much, you know who you are, you 5 foot little shit. Like you have accomplished a great deal in you life. At least I can say:

Struggled with an addiction and won. CHECK

while all you can say is:

Stomped on someone struggling with an addiction. CHECK

Never had to fight for anything in my life. CHECK

Bygone.

At the same time, to all you smokers I have to say don’t worry, it really only gets easier. What about the dreams? Well my business partner has a theory on them. He thinks that it’s because my non-smoker “in-laws” are coming to town. I have to spend a week with them and last year this meant sneaking around every few hours to get a lifesaving drag. Quite annoying. He thinks my subconscious just didn’t get the memo about quitting yet. Well then. I must have forgotten to send that draft yet. WTF?